Once upon a time, about 12 years ago, so pretty much the dawn of time, an okayish-looking daughter was born to parents who had never had a child before. Just kidding, she was adorable. Yep.
At her 1-month birthday party/baby shower thingy, there were 12 guests, who were presumably all the Asian friends of the baby's mom. Oh yeah, they were also fairies. Just go with it.
Soon it was time for the fairies to give maaaagical gifts to the baby. Just like in Sleeping Beauty, I know, but this isn't a ripoff. I swear.
So one of the fairies stepped up to go first. Seeing that the baby wasn't actually that cute (I was lying in the first paragraph), she said, "I give her the gift of beauty, or at least moderate attractiveness."
The second fairy said, "I give her the gift of a boyfriend, sometime in her life." It goes without saying that this was a curse as well as a blessing, but this fairy had been single all her life.
The third fairy chimed, "I give her the gift of a good singing voice," probably because she had heard the baby's mother sing and didn't want her to inherit those genes. "Yep, that's an awesome gift. Good job, me." That fairy was particularly self-centered.
Fairy number 4 gave the gift of giftedness. "She will be insanely brilliant! Or at least smartish. And also good with words. And she'll have a blog."
Fairy 5: "I give her the gift of good toenails!" This was, by far, the best gift yet.
Fairy 6 said, "I give her an Asian redneck uncle who will give her an electric guitar!" Okay, kind of specific, but we're going with it.
Fairy 7 gave a fondness for office supplies.
Fairy 8 gave a passion for writing with extremely small pens.
Fairy 9 gave her an obsession with reading.
Fairy 10 gave her the gift of being really good at Tetris. Gee thanks, Fairy 10.
Fairy 11 was really pissed off. The family had forgotten to get her a party favor. And she was determined to get revenge. I'm pretty sure this fairy was bipolar. But whatever. Anyways, the fairy screeched, "I give her the gift of anxiety! She will be afraid of pretty much everything between the ages of 5 and 6! And also acne when she's a teenager! And she will step on a Lego sometime! BWAHAHAHA"
The baby's family wept and wept. No, actually they just kind of stared at Fairy 11 with a "seriously?" expression on their faces. Then they were all, "Wait, isn't there another fairy that can help us out with this?"
Fairy 12 swooped in to save the day. She said, "I can't undo another fairy's curse, but I can do something to help with it. LEXAPRO!!!!!!!!!!" And little Lexapro tablets came shooting out of her wand. (FYI Lexapro is a anxiety medication.)
Everyone cheered! No, actually everyone just stared at her with a "seriously?" expression on their faces.
"Trust me, it'll help." said Fairy 12.
12 years later, it did.
THE END
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
A post about guitars. It's a poem.
I got a beautiful steel-string guitar today
At the music store.
It was a birthday present.
My mom and I (and Kyle)
Entered the store,
And I asked,
"Wait.
Why are we here?"
Because I had just realized the I didn't know
Why we were in the store.
And Mom said,
"For your guitar."
And I was like,
"Oh."
Because I remembered
That I had asked for a steel-string guitar for my 12th birthday
Which is on Monday.
"Woot!"
So I picked out a guitar and played some tunes
(Kyle also played some tunes)
And we decided to get it.
It's gorgeous. It's light and has
one of those teardrop-shaped dark patches on it
that guitars sometimes have
And a Fleur-de-lis design on its head.
I also got,
Just for fun,
Two picks.
One that looks like the hockey mask
From whatever scary movie that was from,
And the other has
Krusty the Clown
From The Simpsons on it.
And now I have a lovely guitar.
Woot!
At the music store.
It was a birthday present.
My mom and I (and Kyle)
Entered the store,
And I asked,
"Wait.
Why are we here?"
Because I had just realized the I didn't know
Why we were in the store.
And Mom said,
"For your guitar."
And I was like,
"Oh."
Because I remembered
That I had asked for a steel-string guitar for my 12th birthday
Which is on Monday.
"Woot!"
So I picked out a guitar and played some tunes
(Kyle also played some tunes)
And we decided to get it.
It's gorgeous. It's light and has
one of those teardrop-shaped dark patches on it
that guitars sometimes have
And a Fleur-de-lis design on its head.
I also got,
Just for fun,
Two picks.
One that looks like the hockey mask
From whatever scary movie that was from,
And the other has
Krusty the Clown
From The Simpsons on it.
And now I have a lovely guitar.
Woot!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
OH MY GOD
I JUST WITNESSED INCEPTION.
I had the weirdest dream. I was at my school, and my art teacher was also a doctor, and she said that I had to have heart surgery. Not open-heart surgery, just surgery to see if there was anything wrong with my heart. I was freaking out. She was drawing lines all over my stomach where the incisions were going to go, and I was like, "That's not even where my heart is!"
Then I woke up. I was still at my school. I must have fallen asleep during Humanities class or recess or something.
So I went back to class, which was, funnily enough, art class, and did this project where we were supposed to decorate the covers of our sketchbooks. You had to use a collage-type of thing and use all four elements. I represented fire and water but I didn't know how to put air on there, so I figured that I would just do earth and get a picture from a magazine of grass or something... and that's where it gets crazy.
I WOKE UP AGAIN.
This time I was actually in my bed. I immediately had a little spaz attack because HOLY COW I JUST INCEPTIONED.
Just thought you might like to know.
I had the weirdest dream. I was at my school, and my art teacher was also a doctor, and she said that I had to have heart surgery. Not open-heart surgery, just surgery to see if there was anything wrong with my heart. I was freaking out. She was drawing lines all over my stomach where the incisions were going to go, and I was like, "That's not even where my heart is!"
Then I woke up. I was still at my school. I must have fallen asleep during Humanities class or recess or something.
So I went back to class, which was, funnily enough, art class, and did this project where we were supposed to decorate the covers of our sketchbooks. You had to use a collage-type of thing and use all four elements. I represented fire and water but I didn't know how to put air on there, so I figured that I would just do earth and get a picture from a magazine of grass or something... and that's where it gets crazy.
I WOKE UP AGAIN.
This time I was actually in my bed. I immediately had a little spaz attack because HOLY COW I JUST INCEPTIONED.
Just thought you might like to know.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Yay nostrils!
I have kind of a love-hate relationship with nostrils.
On one hand, they are weird. They attach to your nose, they have FREAKING HAIR in them, and worst of all, there are two nostrils. That means if you can't breathe out of one of your nostrils, because you have a cold or something, then a) you feel all off-balanced and b) your one nostril has to handle all the breathing for the two of them. Don't even get me started on that. Today I woke up with a sore throat and a runny nose, and could only breathe out of one nostril, which got chapped from all the breathing. It was like OMG NOSTRIL ON FIRE AAARGGGH. Eventually my other nostril got unstuck and I could breathe normally again. But that was pretty painful.
On the other hand, nostrils help you breathe. If you didn't have them, you would a) have this weird lump in the middle of your face for a nose and b) have to breathe through your mouth all weird like a Dementor. And nobody likes Dementors.
Anyways, our family got an elliptical last month (it's basically a Stairmaster). I don't really like it, but I can exercise without being actually outside, which I like. Today I was all, "I'm totally gonna train for half an hour on the elliptical!" So I went downstairs, got on, and ran like there was no tomorrow. I was tired in about 45 seconds, but I trudged on.
So what felt like an eternity later, I went back upstairs and asked my mom how long I'd been down on the elliptical. And guess what: I was there for FIVE MINUTES. I could have sworn it was at least twenty.
Meanwhile, my brother really wanted to watch this DVD of Hello Kitty TV shows. It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. Ever. Seriously. When it started to sing, I started crying, which either means that I can make myself cry now, or it was THAT BAD.
On a happier note, school ended yesterday! And I already miss my friends. Meh.
I am getting really really tired, even though it's only 8. So I guess it's bye until next time, which will probably be very soon since I am super bored.
On one hand, they are weird. They attach to your nose, they have FREAKING HAIR in them, and worst of all, there are two nostrils. That means if you can't breathe out of one of your nostrils, because you have a cold or something, then a) you feel all off-balanced and b) your one nostril has to handle all the breathing for the two of them. Don't even get me started on that. Today I woke up with a sore throat and a runny nose, and could only breathe out of one nostril, which got chapped from all the breathing. It was like OMG NOSTRIL ON FIRE AAARGGGH. Eventually my other nostril got unstuck and I could breathe normally again. But that was pretty painful.
On the other hand, nostrils help you breathe. If you didn't have them, you would a) have this weird lump in the middle of your face for a nose and b) have to breathe through your mouth all weird like a Dementor. And nobody likes Dementors.
Anyways, our family got an elliptical last month (it's basically a Stairmaster). I don't really like it, but I can exercise without being actually outside, which I like. Today I was all, "I'm totally gonna train for half an hour on the elliptical!" So I went downstairs, got on, and ran like there was no tomorrow. I was tired in about 45 seconds, but I trudged on.
So what felt like an eternity later, I went back upstairs and asked my mom how long I'd been down on the elliptical. And guess what: I was there for FIVE MINUTES. I could have sworn it was at least twenty.
Meanwhile, my brother really wanted to watch this DVD of Hello Kitty TV shows. It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. Ever. Seriously. When it started to sing, I started crying, which either means that I can make myself cry now, or it was THAT BAD.
On a happier note, school ended yesterday! And I already miss my friends. Meh.
I am getting really really tired, even though it's only 8. So I guess it's bye until next time, which will probably be very soon since I am super bored.
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